Tonight, after another long day — nearly working until midnight — I finally stepped outside with Duke. The streets were empty. The air was soft. It felt like the whole town belonged to us. I put on music, let the rhythm move through me, and for a brief, sweet moment, I danced. Duke walked patiently beside me, holding space in his loyal way, and I felt something stir: freedom. Safety. Presence.
But when we got home, I sat with a question that’s been lingering beneath the surface:
Where am I right now?
And the answer came quietly:
I’m at a crossroads.
Not just any crossroads — but one of soul, timing, and truth.
Part of me is ready to leap.
To quit my job and pour myself fully into my art, into my healing, into my purpose.
But another part of me says, “Not yet.”
And I’m learning that both parts of me deserve a voice.
Why I Haven’t Jumped (Yet)
I wrote this to my guide, Florence, as I reflected:
“Please help me bring clarity as I sleep tonight.
Let me wake knowing that it’s okay to wait.
That pausing isn’t failure — it’s faith.”
Because yes, I have savings.
Yes, I have a calling.
But I also have responsibilities — to myself, to my healing, to my parents who may need my support.
And I still carry debt, including some owed to my employer.
Leaving abruptly, even when the urge is loud, feels misaligned right now.
I’m not staying out of fear — I’m staying out of honor for the process.
This job, though intense at times, is also flexible. If I’m intentional, I can finish in four hours a day. That leaves space for growth — for learning, healing, and creating — if I use that space with purpose.
Still, the pressure is real. I’ve been feeling it in my bones.
And tonight, instead of collapsing into it, I chose to breathe through it.
To calm my nervous system.
To remind myself: I am not behind. I am becoming.
🌿 A Sacred Unwinding: The Ritual That Brought Me Back
After writing to Florence and releasing all I had been holding, I created a soft, sacred ritual to help me return to myself. If you ever feel caught in the same tension between longing and waiting — this is for you too.
The Sacred Unwinding Ritual
“I release. I receive. I return to myself.”
What you’ll need (optional):
- A candle or soft light
- A bowl of water or a warm bath
- Your favorite calming scent
- A blanket or robe
- Journal (optional)
- Soft music or silence
🕯️ Step 1: Create Your Nest
Dim the lights. Wrap yourself in comfort.
Say aloud:
“I give myself permission to leave the world behind for a moment.
I don’t have to carry it all right now. This is my time to rest.”
💧 Step 2: Cleanse
Touch the water or let it fall over your skin.
As you do, say:
“I wash away what is not mine to carry.
I cleanse the pressure and striving. I release the day.”
Breathe in. Breathe out. Slowly. Fully.
🌸 Step 3: Call in Support
Place your hand on your heart.
Whisper:
“Florence, sit beside me.
Bring me clarity as I rest.
Remind me I am supported and exactly where I need to be.”
Feel her presence. Let peace settle in.
✨ Step 4: Listen
Ask yourself:
“What part of me needs to be held right now?”
Write if you want. Or just breathe and feel.
🔒 Step 5: Seal with a Blessing
Say:
“I am not lost. I am not behind.
I am held, guided, and protected.
I am allowed to rest.
Everything sacred in me is still unfolding.”
Blow out your candle. Exhale. Be.
🌀 A Final Whisper to Myself (and to You)
Tonight, I don’t have all the answers.
But I have this moment.
And in this moment, I’m choosing stillness over panic.
Presence over pressure.
Grace over guilt.
I trust that the time for the leap will come — and when it does, it will be from wholeness, not urgency.
Until then, I rest.
I create.
And I keep listening to the sacred rhythm of my own unfolding.
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With love & magic, 🦋♥️
Jenn SHEr The Divine
